Stepmothers get a really bad rap.
And Disney does no favors to us stepmoms!

Emotions are hard to navigate on their own. But when you introduce the dynamics of the role you play in someone else’s life, you’re sailing through uncharted seas with numerous variables.

This week I am sharing with you an extraordinary conversation that I had with a remarkable woman who supports high-achieving women in their roles as step-mothers.

Liz Kelly is a stepmom of nearly ten years to two teenage (bonus) boys and mom to two toddler boys.
She and her husband are raising these four incredible souls on our homestead near Princeton, New Jersey.
Five years ago, she became steeped learning how the brain processes emotion. Now as a neuro-emotional coach, she works with high-achieving women – especially stepmoms – providing emotional safety and the tools and language to understand how their emotions work. Through this work, women are changing how they show up for themselves and their families.
Liz comes from a 20-year career in writing and public relations to make her the perfect person to do this work in the world..

When you have found success in various areas of your life, it is hard to admit to struggling in such a vital and central area of your life.

Not liking who you are in a certain environment is uncomfortable. For everyone.
Period.

The rigid and hard and fast conversations about boundaries and disengagement didn’t align with how she wanted to be as a stepmom. And the home that she wanted to create for her family.

There are 2 key concerns that Liz Kelly unpacks in the extraordinary work that she does with stepmothers.

1. How different emotions work for individual people
2. This idea of step-momming, specifically

Liz shares with us the reasons that she started working with stepmoms and how her research in neuro-emotions and self-regulation have become a refreshing, if not REVOLUTIONARY, way of looking at step-parenting.

This conversation is eye-opening if you play a role in the raising of ANY children.
Liz helps us design the life that we want as a stepmom by:

• Explaining the role negative stereotypes play.
• The common challenges that stepmoms face
• Understanding the true foundational needs of each family member
• Knowing the 3 Brain states
• Interpreting the brain states to appropriately respond to a situation or circumstance and provide the support needed
• Changing the energy dynamics of our bonus childrens’ experience of the home
• The role self-regulation plays in the ability to be the person you desire to be in your role as a step-mom

Throughout this conversation we discuss the ways that we can create emotionally-nourishing and supportive environments to help our kids, our spouse, and ourselves thrive in the blended-family dynamic.

This gorgeous conversation was meant to be. I share with Liz the dream that I had that night before and the information that I found about the color turquoise. (Spoiler alert: it’s about empathy)

I have to admit that I held a great deal of angst going into this conversation.  In truth, step-momming is not something that I feel like I have done well to date.  

But in this beautiful and heart-felt conversation, Liz opened my eyes to a different way to approach so many of the challenges that I have encountered.

And, mostly, that I am not alone in my struggles.

The 3 Brain States:
Survival
Emotional
Executive

Knowing where you are. And where they are helps you elicit the appropriate response.